Sunday, March 13, 2005

Pitching Machine

This blogger has learned that Kerry Wood's recent visit to Chicago was not for an examination, but was in fact for an experimental surgical procedure. Cubs orthopedist Dr. Stephen Gryzlo surgically attached a second right arm to Wood just beneath the original arm. The second arm belonged to former closer Rob Nen.

Said Dr. Gryzlo, "Well, Rob had a partially torn rotator cuff so I went ahead and tore it all the way off. Rob volunteered for the procedure because he felt this was his last chance to pitch for a contender." Cubs GM Hendry has reportedly signed Nen's arm to a 1 year $6M deal w/ an $8M option.

Dr. Gryzlo also took the opportunity to surgically bolt a JUGS pitching machine to Wood's left leg. Asked about the procedure the doctor said, "This is strictly precautionary". Manager Dusty Baker is ecstatic with the move. "Now I can pitch Woody maybe 400-500 innings. One arm falls off, he got another one, and he can also pitch with his left leg now. Thank Jugs!"

(Based on a suggestion by Billy Bishop at The Buffalo Cubs)


Billy Bishop said...

I feel like Frankenstein. NIce touch with the pitching machine.

Joel R. said...

With these Cub pitchers you can never have too many "precautions".

Anonymous said...

As always: nice work, 10Man! -- kjk

Jiraiya said...

10Man, this is exactly what I needed this morning. Keep up the good work!

- oh, I posted here before as Avi, which is my actual name, but since I'm using Jiraiya on TCR I figured I'd be consistent.

Anonymous said...

Jiraiya, does "Jiraiya" mean something? Other than signifying you, of course. -- kjk

Anonymous said...

10Man, here's one inspired by your good work and all the apocalyptic talk about the cubs' pitching injuries... the 4 horsemen of the cubs' apocalypse... :) -- kjk

Joel R. said...

jiraiya (avi),
i'll try to keep the amusing content so that we can start each day with a smile.

great photoshop! do you have that up somewhere? I wonder if we could post it here?